PS 3539 
.R47 P5 
1910 
Copy 1 



[POST FREE T Qil OR 

In Great Britain only J OUi 15 CENTS. 




[CH^S ACT ING EDITION 
It THE PICK OF^ OAKHAM 



(LEO TREVOR and JOHN HARWOOD) 

The AMATEUR FEE for each representation of this 

piece is 21s., payable in advance to SAMUEL FRENCH, 

Ltd., 26, Southampton Street, Strand, London, W.C. 



;!' 



XjONDon : 
SAMtTEL FRENCH, Ltd., 

PUBLISHERS, 

26, SOUTHAMPTON STREET, 

STRAND. 



Naw Your : 
SAMUEL FRENIJH, 

PUBLISHER, \ 

28, WEST 38th STREET. ) 



BELFAST- 

J.NiCHOLSON, 26, Church Lane. 
^) BIRMINGHAM- 
•' ' James Guest, 12, Snow Hill. 
W.H.Smith & Son, 34, Union St. 
BRADFORD- 

W. H. Smith & Son. 

5, Dale Street. 
BRISTOL- 
B. TOLBMAN, 2, Rupert Street. 

DUBLIN- 

MoRROW's Library,12,Nassau St. 

EDINBURGH- . ^ . ,. „. 
H. Robinson, 111-115, Leith St. 
GLASGOW- , ^^ ^ 

Wm. Love, 221 , Argyle Street. 
LEEDS— 
R. Jackson, 18, Commercial St. 

LIVERPOOL— J. BURKINSHAW 

& Sons, 28-30, Colquitt Street. 
MANCHESTER- ^ 

John Heywood, Deansgate 
and Ridgefield. 
NEWCASTLE-ON-TYNE- 
Thomas Allan, 13 & 20, Blackett 

Street. 

PLYMOUTH- ^^^ ^^ . ^^ 
W. Hkardkr. 195, Union bt. 

PRESTON- ^, ^ „^ 

J.Watkinson, 41, Cannon St. 



SHEFFIELD- 

Geo. Slater, Fitzalan Sq. 
BOMBAY— i 

Thacker a Oo. ( 
CALCUTTA- 

Thacker, Spink A Co. ( 
MADRAS- 

Higqinbotham & Co., ) 

165, Mount Road. ) 

SIMLA- 

Thacker, Spink & Co. ) 
CAPE COLONY- ) 

J. C. JuTA» Cape Town. \ 
CAPE TOWN- 

Messrs. Darter & Sons. , 

DURBAN- ( 

Vaus Slatter & Co. ' 

MELBOURNE- ; 

Will Andrade 

201, Bourke Street. ) 
B. W. Cole, Book Arcade. ) 

ADELAIDE- 

E. S. WiGQ & Son. ) 

Cawthorne & Co. ) 

NEW ZEALAND- \ 



W> 



WlLDMAN & AREY, 

Auckland. 
SYDNEY- 

S. J. Kirby, 

561, George Street. 



i1 



NE W DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE SENT POST F REEi 




10,000 



Recitations. 



for Catalogues 



6,000 Plays, 

Post Free. 
The Guide to Selecting Plays is now published annually— 
entirely revised and brought up-to-date. Price Is. 



With a view to obviate the great difficulty experienced by Amateurs (par- 
ticularly in country houses) in obtaining Scenery, Ac, to fix in a Drawing Room, 
and then only by considerable outlay for hire and great damage caused to walls, 
we have decided to keep a series of Coloured Scenes Mounted on Canvas 
with roller, or they can be had unmounted on thirty sheets of strong papet 
and can be joined together or pasted on canvas or wood, according to require 
ment. Full directions, with diagrams shewing exact size of Back Scenes, Borders, 
and Wings, can be had free on application. The following scenes are kept in 
stock. 




Kept in two sizes. The size of the back scene of the smaller one is nearly 10 feet long 
and 6i feet high, and extends with the Wings and Border to 15 feet long and 8 feet 
high. The back scene of the large one is 13 feet long and 9 feet high and extends 
with the Wings and Border to 20 feet long and Hi ieet high. It is not necessary 
to have the scene the height of the room, as blue paper to represent sky is usually 
hung at the top. £ s. d. 

Small Size, with Wings and Border complete, unmounted 1 10 

Ditto, mounted .330 

Large Size, with Wings and Border complete unmounted . . ..206 

Ditto, mounted 4 4 

Blue Paper 20 inches by 30, per sheet 002 




Kept in two sizes, same as the Garden Scene, and at similar price. 



THE PICK OF OAKHAM 



THE 
PICK OF OAKHAM 

OR 

The Girl with the Bad Habit 

A SPORTING MELODRAMA 
IN FOUR ACTS 

By 
LEO TREVOR and JOHN HARWOOD 



Copyright, 1910, by Samuel French, Ltd, 



New York 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

Publisher 

28-30 WEST 3STH STREET 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH Ltd 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND 



r5353q 

. R4T Fs 



tc^i 



o 



gCI.D 22623 



CO 



f 



THE PICK OF OAKHAM 



Produced on Tuesday June 28, 19 10, at the Royal Botanical 
Gardens, Regent's Park, London, with the following Cast : — 

Act I. — Scene : The Hunting Breakfast-room at Castle 

Glanders. 
Act II. — " In full cry." 

Scene : A Drury Lane near Bluemarket. 
Act III. — -" Tried in the Balance." 

Scene : The Weighing Room. 
Act IV. — " Killed in the open." 

Scene : Upsom Downs. 



The Earl of Lo- 

WATER. 

Jack Cholmonde- 

LEY. 

Major Sutton 

D'Ethe. 
Ned Snaffle. 
Tiny Pullam i 

Cocky Bantham i' 
Cocksure . 
Oddson 
BiNNS . ... 



Hon. Gwendoline 

Mortgage. 
Faith Mercy . 



An impoverished 

Peer. 
The hero . 



The villain 

A Trainer 

Jockeys. 

A Detective . ,. 
A Bookmaker 
Butler and hunts 



Mr. E. M. Robson. 

Mr. Kenneth Doug- 
las. 
Mr. Cyril Maude. 



man to 

Lowater. 

The Heroine . 

The Villain's 
tim. 



Lord 



Vic- 



Mr. John Beauchamp. 
Mr. Lennox Pawle. 

Mr. Harry Nicholls. 
Mr. Fred Lewis. 
- Mr . Lionel Rignold. 



Miss Hilda Tre- 

velyan. 
Miss Maidie Hope. 



THE PICK OF OAKHAM 

ACT I 

" A Hot Scent " 

Scene. — The hunting break fast-room at Castle Glanders. 
An oak chamber decorated with trophies of the chase. 
A stuffed rabbit or two. Seated at the table spread 
for the usual hunting breakfast [champagne bottles 
and glasses, and very little else) are the Earl of 
LowATER, Jack Cholmondeley, Ned Snaffles, 
and Tiny Pullam. Binns goes round with the 
bottle and stations himself behind his lordship's chair. 
All are dressed in red coats, except Cholmondeley 
[his lordship having huge gold buttons with coronets 
on them), white trousers tucked into sea boots, except 
Binns, whose trousers are finished off by painted 
tops. 

As the curtain rises they are all singing an old English 
hunting song — 

Chorus. 

The Mummerset Hounds. 

'Tis a fine hunting day, 

Though they're making the hay 

And the sky is a midsummer blue, 

Yet the hounds have come out 

Just to tickle a trout, 

Or mop up a stray Kangaroo. 

There's a coon up a gum tree, they say ; 

We'll catch him if only he'll stay. 

So we'll hollo and shout. 

And ride hard for the snout, 

For we must go a-hunting to-day. 



8 THE PTC'K OF OAKHAAF. 

{At the conclusion of the chorus Lord Lowater turns 

to BiNNS.) 

Lord Lowater. Have hounds brought round to 
the front door directly after breakfast. 

BiNNS. Very good, my lord. Which 'ounds will 
you 'ave to-day ? 

Lord L. Which hounds ? 

BiNNS. We 'ave all sorts in the Mummersetshire 
kennels, Bassets, Bloods and Dachs. Take your 
choice of 'ound. 

Lord L. Loose a few of each. 

Cholmondeley. Yes, let's have a mixed grill. 

BiNNS. Very good, your Grace. Fll just pop 
round and see they 'ave got their collars on, your 
worship. We don't want no trouble with the police. 

{Exit, singing Hunting Chorus.) 

Lord L. Do so, Binns. 

Chol. An invaluable servant, my lord. One of 
Beecham's People. 

Snaffle. Worth a guinea a box. 

Lord L. He's been butler and huntsman in the 
family over fifty 3^ears. No man can draw covert or 
cork better than old Nimrod Binns. 

(Gwendoline Mortgage's voice heard off giving the 

" Vieti>.") 

Chol. Listen ! 

Lord L. {listens and then sighs). Her mother's 
voice. 

{Music.) 

(Gwendoline Mortgage runs on cracking a whip and 
carrying a dead rabbit. She is dressed as a female 
ring attendant of the circus, red coat, tights, top boots, 
etc) 
Gwendoline. Dad, Fve had such a scamper on 

" Rat Catcher." 



THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 9 

Chol. Sweetheart, you are too venturesome. 

GwEN. And see, I was in at the death. 

Chol. (taking rabbit). A warrantable white tufter. 

Lord L. He will make a lovely pie. You must 
be hungry, child. What will you take — a plover's 
egg — omelette, or snipe's liver ? 

GwEN. No, thank you, dad. I am reserving 
myself for the first meet of the season {all laugh). 

[Chord.) 

Snaffle. Ah! there spoke a Mortgage. Her 
father's own child. 

(Gwendoline seats herself at table.) 
(Tiny Pullam begins to nm round the table.) 

Lord L. Tiny ! 

Pullam. My lord ! 

Lord L. This is not a circus — cease ! 

Chol. What is he supposed to be doing ? 

Lord L. Getting his weight down to ride my 
horse, the Tortoise ; he is my jockey, the crack light 
weight. 

Chol. If he keeps this up, I shall begin to think 
he is a " cracked " light weight. 

Lord L. Tiny, desist 

Pullam. Yes, my lord [wipes his face, buttons his 
waistcoat closer, takes out a tape measure and measures 
stomach). Lost a couple of pounds. 

[Enter Binns.) 

Lord L. Where is Oddson — the bookmaker ? 

Binns. In the pantry, your highness. He's just 
laid the stillroom maids ten to one against the Tortoise 
for the Derby. 

Lord L. Ten to one— impudent fellow ! He shall 
lay me twenties. 

Chol. Tortoise has never yet won the Derb}^ has 
he ? 

Lord L. No ; the only Classic race he's missed — 



10 THE PrCK OF OAKHAM. 

winner of the Oaks four years in succession and, as 
yet, not a single Derby. It's the luck of the Lowaters . 
Chol. We'll change the luck {holding up the glass) . 
Here's to the master of the Mummersetshire Hunt — 
as fine a horseman as ever headed a fox, or grasped a 
pommel. 

(Music — Villain.) 

[A fearful row is heard withoiU — D'Ethe quarrelling 
with Oddson.) 

Oddson [without). WeU, pay me my money, 
Major. 

D'Ethe. When the Earl pays me. 

Oddson. The old Earl never pays. He's a 
gentleman of the old school. 

D'Ethe. A gentleman^a proud, stuck-up, swind- 
ling old card-sharp. 

Lord L. We have friends without — admit them, 
Binns. 

BiNNS. Certainly, Excellency. 

(Exit Binns.) 

Chol. (to the Earl aside). That man again. I 
thought you would not receive him. 

Lord L. I cannot help myself. I lost four thou- 
sand to him in the harness-room last week at shove 
halfpenny. 

Chol. Four thousand pounds ! 

Lord L. Yes — or fourpence ? I can't remember 
which. My affairs are fearfully involved. 

Binns (announcing). Major Sutton D'Ethe, Royal 
Muffineers 

Chol. The fellow's not worth his salt. 

(D'Ethe enters dressed in full uniform, with the 
exception of a hunting crop and top boots.) 

(Music stops.) 
D'Ethe. Morning, my lord; we were kept late on 



THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 11 

Parade. [Ttmiing to Gwendoline.) And how is the 
Hon'ble Gwendoline ? 

GwEN. Nicely, thank you, Major. 

Lord L. Sit down and fall to. 

Chol. From what I have seen of the Major's 
riding, my lord, he'll find the falling easier than the 

sitting. 

D'Ethe. Ah, Cholmondeley ! I knew you were 
here ; I saw your hat hanging on the rack by the Earl's 
garden coronet. It will want dusting before wear- 
ing. 

Chol. How so ? 

D'Ethe. It has been hanging there some tmie. 

Chol. What mean you ? {Fires revolver.) 

[Chord.) 

D'Ethe (laughing cynically). Nothing; if the cap 
fits you, wear it. {Fires revolver.) 

Chol. I have — for years. 

D'Ethe. It looks like it. 

Chol. Better to wear one old hat than three. 

D'Ethe. Ah '.—would you insult me ? {Fires re- 
volver once or twice.) . . i , t i 

GwEN. Gentlemen— gentlemen— fair play s a J oel 

and there is ladies present. . ,, n ■ 

D'Ethe. Mille pardongs— mademoiselle {bowing 

lew). 

PuLLAM. No bad language. Shame ! 

LOED L. {rising). Gentlemen of the Mummerset- 
shire Hunt— we are met to-day to celebrate not only 
the opening day of the Mummersetshire hunting 
season, but the betrothal of my daughter to Jack 
Cholmondeley. 

{Enter Binns, goes to Lord Lowater.) 

BiNNS. Beg pardon, your Grace— the brokers. 
(Chord.) 

Lord L. Mv broker ! How dare he interrupt me 



12 THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 

at my country seat ? No nobleman ever meets his 
broker except in the City. My broker here — how 
singular ! 

BiNNS. Plural, my lord — not broker, but brokers. 

All. Brokers ! (Music.) 

Lord L. (fiercely to D'Ethe). This is your work. 
(Chord.) 

D'Ethe (defiantly). Yes. 

GwEN. Father, can you pay ? 

Lord L. Alas ! no. 

BiNNS. Don't be downhearted, my lord. I 'ad 
20 to I this morning from old Oddson about Worcester 
Source for the Garrick Stakes, and my nephew, 
Cockey Bantham, is riding the favourite. Fat Head. 

Lord L. He is bound to pull it off. (Music stop.) 

BiNNS (in a whisper). Yes, my lord. He's stand- 
ing in with m.e. It's a dead cinch and you are 
welcome to 'alf. 

Lord L. You are an honest fellow, Binns. (Offers 
hand.) 

(Binns steals Lord L.'s watch and exit.) 

D'Ethe. Enough of this. Let the brokers broke 
immediateh^ (Music — Love theme.) 

GwEN. One moment, father. I know why this 
man has done this thing. I have felt his eyes scorch 
me like a flame. Indeed, so much so, that I have not 
worn a transparent blouse all the summer. But the 
old name must not be dishonoured. The dead 
Lowaters must not be disgraced. 

Chol. Hush ! you don't know what you are 
doing. 

GwEN. Yes, to-day is my birthday, not yesterday. 
I know what I am doing. (Exit.) 

Chol. Gwendoline, Gwendoline. 

(Rushes out after her. Music stop.) 

Lord L. (to the others). Leave me, good people, 
naked — I mean alone with my enemy. 

(All exit excepting Lord L. and D'Ethe.) 



THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 13 

Lord L. Major, I owe you money ? 

D'Ethe. E'en so. 

Lord L. You desire my daughter's hand in 
marriage. 

D'Ethe. Drop it, I am not carting rubbish. Your 
daughter ! Not much. 

Lord L. I cannot enter into any partial arrange- 
ments. You must take the Hon'ble Gwendohne 
entirely — or 

(Cholmondeley comes silently through window at 
hack, conceals himself beneath table and listens.) 

D'Ethe. No, my lord, keep your daughter. 

Lord L. I have done so for many years ; the 
expense is considerable. 

D'Ethe. I won't have your daughter at any 
price. What I want is your horse at starting price. 

Lord L. The Tortoise — the Derby favourite ! 

D'Ethe. Yes ; hand over the Tortoise and out go 
the brokers. 

Lord L. Sir, you forget yourself. It was pre- 
sumptuous for a major in a marching regiment to ask 
a nobleman for his daughter's hand, but when you 
ask for his horse 

(Cholmondeley from under table pinches his leg and 
ivhispers.) 

Chol. Let him have it, my lord. Tortoise was 
tried yesterday with my nag, " Sir John." Sir John 
can give him pounds. 

Lord L. Is this true ? 

Chol. Gospel. Give him your old bit of cat's 
meat and put your shirt on Sir John. 

D'Ethe. Well, what do you say ? 

{Music tremolo, hurry.) 

Lord L. You shall have the Tortoise. 
D'Ethe. It's a bargain ? 



14 THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 

Lord L. Yes. 

D'Ethe. The Blue Ribbon of the Turf is mine. 

Lord L. You think so ? 

D'Ethe. You wouldn't care to lay against him ? 
(Pre duces book.) 

Lord L. Lll bet you two dollars to one. 

D'Ethe. Done with you. Would any one else 
like a bit ? 

Chol. [jumping up and fliiiging over table). Yes— 
L 

D'Ethe. You ? 

Chol. Yes. 

D'Ethe. Come on. What '11 you do it in — 
dollars ? 

Chol. Dollars be damned. Four ponies to two. 

D'Ethe. Done. 

Chol. And three monkeys to one ? 

D'Ethe. Not on the nod. 

Chol. I have got the ready. (Pulls out bank 
notes from all his pockets and chucks them at D'Ethe 
like snow.) 

D'Ethe. Right. Three monkeys to one (entering 
bet). Do 3^ou want to do any more ? 

Chol. Yes, six to two. 

D'Ethe. Monkeys ? 

(Music stop.) 

Chol. No, monkeys are muck. Four elephants 
to a dormouse — Sir John- — — 

D'Ethe (biting his pencil). Four elephants — four 
million pounds. Curse his elephants. I'll be a man 
or a mouse. Done with you. 

(Chord — Enter Pullam.) ' 

Chol. Done ! 

Pullam. Good, guvnor ! And I'll ride Sir John 
for 3'ou, and with my feather weight I'll get 'im 'ome. 



THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 15 

'Ere's luck to the Lowaters and may the best 'oss 
win. 

(All but D'Ethe sing Hunting Chorus.) 

[The curtain falls with Cholmondeley still raining 
notes. A few stray ones drift towards Lord Lowater 
who puts them in his pocket.) 



ACT II 

Scene.- — A Dniry Lane near Bluemarket. Small tree 
to hide behind. 

(Enter D'Ethe reading telegram — looks round. Villain 
music.) 

D'Ethe. This is the place — " Mug's Lane, b}^ the 
big oak"; this is where Oddson is to tell me who 
has won the great trial. I don't like the rumours 
about Sir John ; if he wins the race I shall lose a 
couple of million and be nearly ruined. Ah ! here 
he is. 

[Enter Pullam muffled up in huge box cloth coat.) 
What's this I hear about Sir John ? 

Pullam. The blue ribbon of the Turf is his. 

D'Ethe. What about " The Tortoise ? " 

Pullam. He's in the soup. 

D'Ethe. Curse you ! . . . You tell me this, 
Oddson ? 

(Music stop.) 

Pullam. I'm not Oddson. 

D'Ethe. Who are you, then ? 

Pullam (throwing off his coat and disclosing himself 
in racing silk). Tiny Pullam, Mr. Cholmon eley's 
jockey and an honest man. 

(Chord.) 

D'Ethe. Curse it — who the devil but a book- 
maker would wear a coat like that ? Well, man, I 
made a mistake ; here's a fiver for you. 

Pullam. I want no five- pound penalties froni 
you. Major Sutton D'Ethe. 

D'Ethe. Then what d'ye say to a tenner ? 
(Offers him ten-pound note.) 



THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 17 

PuLLAM. Thank you very much, sir. Have 
you seen Mr. Cholmondeley, sir ? I have to meet him 
iiere by that there haw-tree. {Points to tree.) 

D'Ethe. That is not a haw- tree — ■ — ■ 

PuLLAM. It is the naked truth. 

D'Ethe. I have not seen Mr. Cholmondeley, but 
I will tell him you are here. 

Pull AM. I must be going now, sir. Thank you, 
sir. [Aside.) He ain't up to no good. I'll keep my 
eve on him. I'll hide in this sprig of His Majesty's. 

(Hides in tree. Enter Oddson.) 

Oddson. Good evening, Major. No one about ? 
D'Ethe. Not a soul. 

(PuLLAM sneezes behind Oddson.) 

Oddson (feeling his neck). What's that ? 

D'Ethe. Only the wind. 

Oddson. I thought it was raining. But to busi- 
ness. (Music, pizzi.) Sir John's Stable last week 
])ut their shirts on the horse for the Derby, and 
to-day they've put on their vests and pants. 

D'Ethe. Only the men, I suppose. 

Oddson. Miss Gwendoline put something on, but 
I can't say what. 

D'Ethe. She has made a bloomer. 

Oddson. Bloomer — no blooming fear — their horse 
is a cinch ! The Tortoise has got as much chance of 
winning as a celluloid dog in Hell ! 

D'Ethe. Death and fury — we must stop this. 

Oddson. But how ? 

D'Ethe. How ? How me no hows, there are a 
thousand ways. Bribe Captain Coe to nap Sir John ; 
that will cook its goose. Or stay, get all the Lo water 
household and stable hands to meet at some fashion- 
able rendezvous, such as the Welsh Harp, and then 
nobble the horse in their absence. 

(Chord.) 



18 THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 

Oddson. 'Tis dangerous. 

D'Ethe. We know not danger in the Muffineers. 
{Draws revolver and fires it. Music stop.) Listen, I 
have another way. Cholmondeley, my hated rival, 
the owner of Sir John, is coming along here shortly. 
(Draws sword.) We will smell blood, what odds ? 

Oddson. I'll lay you seven to four, I — (trembles). 
Oh, Major, I don't like murder. 

D'Ethe. Shh ! see who comes ! (Dying child 
music.) Faith Mercj^we are in luck to-night. Hide 
yonder behind that gnar/^^ elm. When I whistle 
thrice, come. 

(Exit Oddson.) 

(Enter Faith Mercy dressed in petticoat and stays.) 

Faith. I heard mv Sutton's voice. Is it vou, 
Sutton ? 

D'Ethe. Suttonly. (Oddson applauds off— 
D'Ethe hows). You have stepped out a little 
previously. 

Faith. I was in my bedroom. Girls like me 
spend a lot of time in our bedroom now. They call 
me the bad girl of the family. You have come back 
to me, Sutton, back to be introduced to Papa and 
Mamma ; then the girls will not look askance at me 
when we dance the two-step on the rink. It was at 
the rink I met you — at the rink I fell. 

D'Ethe. Yes, my darling, but first I want you 
to prove your love for me. 

(Music stop.) 

Faith. Yes, yes. 

D'Ethe. You know Castle Glanders, the seat of 
the Earl of Lowater ? 

Faith. Yes. 

(Chord.) 

D'Ethe. There is a scaffolding round the stables, 
and a horse in one of them is dying for want of pro- 



THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 10 

fessional assistance. The old earl is poor and cannot 
afford a vet. 

Faith. Poor brute. 

D'Ethe. I want you to climb through the window 
and make the horse swallow these two small articles. 
(Hands newspaper cuttings.) 

Faith. What do you mean ? you frighten me. 
These articles are from the Daily News. Nor man 
nor beast could swallow these — a single paragraph 
spells death. 

D'Ethe. Nonsense, girl. Will you do it ? 

Faith. No. 

D'Ethe. Fool, fool — have them yourself, then ! 
[Seizes her by throat.) 

Faith. Help, help ! 

(Chord.) 

D'Ethe. Swallow this. (Reads.) " No sensible 
man can have a shadow of doubt but that the Chan- 
cellor of the Exchequer wishes to treat the licensing 
trade with strict impartiality." 

(Faith collapses and lies still.) 

D'Ethe. Poor devil ! She swoons and now to 
finish her. (Draws his sword and stabs her four times. ) 

(Chord.) 
(PuLLAM rushes out.) 
PuLLAM. Villain ! Murderer ! ! Girl choker ! ! ! 
(Chord.). 

D'Ethe, Stand back — I have another loaded 
article. (Reads.) " The man who imagines that the 
Home Secretary's political opinions are not as con- 
stant as the Northern Star " 

PuLLAM (staggering and gasping). Or the Evening 
Star. 

D'Ethe. " Is not worth convincing. The Home 
Secretary with a noble disregard of self-advance- 
ment " 



20 THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 

(Pull AM falls prostrate.) 

Shall I give him the rest ? No, poor fool, he has 
got his Harmsworth. {Chord) Hist, who cometh ? 
Cholmondeley, as I am an honest man. He must not 
see these carrion. [Props them up behind tree.) 

[Enter Cholmondeley.) 
Ah ! Cholmondeley ! 

Chol. I do not know you, sir, let me pass. I have 
an appointment with my jockey. 

(Chord.) 

D'Ethe. a truce to this, m}^ friend. Let me call 
you friend. I am the bearer of a message from your 
jockey Pull am. He says he couldn't wait, but will 
be back shortly. [Aside.) I'll keep him here, send 
a sleuth hound from Scotland Yard, and he will be 
arrested for killing the unhappy pair behind that tree. 
[Chord.) [To Chol.) Good-bye, dear friend, and 
good luck with Sir John, but you will see I shall win. 
[Exit.) 

(PuLLAM comes from behind tree and staggers about the 
stage.) 

PuLLAM. Help, help — foul play — foul, foul, 
chicken-hearted, ruffian — foul, chicken-hearted foul. 
[Swoons again.) 

Chol. This is not a poultry yard. Wake up, man. 

PuLLAM. Oh, Mr, Cholmondeley, see to your 
horse, Sir John. Quick, while there is time. He 
means to nobble him and win the race. Quick — tarry 
no longer. 

Chol. You speak truth, man ? 

PuLLAM. I am a jockey and always speak the 
truth. 

Chol. Let's have no Maker of it. 

[Enter Cocksure. Music — " A Policeman s Life.'') 

Cocksure. What's this. I heard voices. Ha, 
ha ! Who are you ? 



THE PTOK OF OAKHAM. 21 

Chol. I am Mr. Cholmondeley, the owner of Sir 
John, the winner of the Derb}^ 

Cock. Thanks, my lord, for the tip, but what is 
this ? (Sees the two bodies.) I don't hke this, it 
looks suspicious. [Feels Pullam's heart.) He 
breathes. 

(PuLLAM snores.) 

Heavily, too. He's drugged. Mr. Cholmondeley, I 
must arrest you. 

Chol. Arrest me for what ? 

Cock. For the murder of what looks like an 
Aldwych female and a poor little, inoffensive jockey. 

Chol. Arrest the owner of the Derby favourite ? 
You're mad — Nat Gould wouldn't do that. 

Cock. Are you coming quietly or shall I call for 
assistance ? 

Chol. Do your worst, rude fellow. 

(Cocksure whistles three times.) 
[Enter Oddson, running.) 

Oddson The Major's signal, I'm here — yes 

[draws hack). Why, what is this ? 

Cock. Help me to* arrest this man. He has 
committed double suicide — I mean murder. 

Oddson. Mr. Cholmondeley ! [delighted). Yes, 
with pleasure, and then to blazes with Sir John. 

[Struggle music.) 

[Terrific struggle between the three men ; finally Chol- 
mondeley tears the tree up by the roots and fells 
them both vuith it. Music changes to " Conquering 
Hero.") 
Chol. Virtue triumphs, and 1 am free. Base 

villains, do your worst, there wih be black deeds yet, 

but I will carve my way to a golden crown of victory. 

Good-bye, you noisesome scum. I go to save Sir 

John. [Rushes out. Music forte.) 
Curtain. 



ACT III 

The weighing-room at Bluemarket. 

On the scene a large pair of scales, such as are used 

for weighing coal with a dial at the top. 
Music — " Going to the Derby.'' 

Discovered, Lord Lowater, Gwendoline and 
Cholmondeley. 
Lord L. No sign of Pullam. 

{Music stop) 

Chol. None. 

GwEN. Then all is lost. 
(Enter D'Ethe and Cocky Bantham ; the latter is 

eating buns and drinking ginger beer.) 

D'Ethe. Ha ! ha ! You thought not to see .me 
again ; thou craven loon ; you see that a soldier of 
His Majesty's can survive the blow from a tree. 

Chol. Go back to your kennel, you spouting 
spawn, your heart is as black as the hand that wears 
that baubled circlet. 

D'Ethe. Enough of this, I want to weigh in. 
[Calling.) Steward, steward ! 

Lord L. I am a steward of the Jockey Club, sir, 
and this is the weighing-room at Bluemarket, not the 
deck of a channel steamer. 

D'Ethe. I want to put my man in the scales. 
(To Cocky.) Have another bun or you'll never draw 
the weight. Your jockey has not weighed in yet. 
Chol-mond-ley . 

Chol. My name is Chumley. 

D'Ethe. Then why not spell it Chumley ? 

Chol. Because though poor I am a gentleman, and 



THK PTOK OF OAKHAM. 23 

I would rather starve in the luncheon-room at Lords 
than bear a name that is pronounced as it is spelt. 

Lord L. Brave boy ! 

GwEN. My hero ! 

{Enter Snaffle and Oddson.) 

Snaffle. The numbers are up. 

Chol. Good gracious ! Oddson ? 

Odds. Yes ! Mr. C/^o/-mon-del-lay, you thought 
my number was up too ; but there, it was a fair 
fight, and I forgive you — and now for the race. 
Weigh your man in, Major. 

D'Ethe. Have another bun, Cocky. 

Cocky. This is my forty-ninth. 

D'Ethe. Make it a Jubilee. You must draw the 
weight. 

Lord L. Jump in. 

(Cocky does so and it wont move.) 

That's no good, my man. 

D'Ethe. Put in his whip and martingale and see 
if it will take it then. 

(They do so and it doesn't move.) 

Cocky, eat ten more buns ; try a Diamond Jubilee. 

(Cocky crams a bun in his mouth, and as he masticates 
the machine moves.) 

Yes, yes, it would not take the martingale but see, 
it takes the bun. 

Lord L. Oh, cake to that ! He can't draw the 
weight, so he can't ride. 

Oddson. Done like a dinner. 

Snaffle. Three cheers for " Sir John." 

Gwen. We shall have a walk over. 

Chol. H only Pullam would arrive ! 

D'Ethe. Walk over ? Lll ride myself. Weigh 
me in, Lowater. 

(Jumps on scale, and indicator moves roiind furiously.) 



24 THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 

The weight is just right. Give me your spurs, Cocky. 

Oddson. Bravo, guvnor ; we shall win. Pullam 
is missing, and there's only one other man in England 
can ride Sir John, and he's lost his licence. 

Omnes. Not one ? 

Chol. Yes, ONE. 

Omnes. Wliere ? 

{Music — Love.) 

Chol. Here ! Hand me my trusty whalebone 
and silken coat. 

GwEN. Think of the danger ; it is years since you 
mounted anything but photographs. 

D'Ethe [hissing through his teeth). You're mad. 
The Upson Downs course is no child's play. Why, 
you never rode a race in your life. 

Chol. Liar ! I've rowed many a race and won 
by many a length. 

D'Ethe. Where ? 

Chol. (throws open his coat and discloses boating 
costume). On Father Thames. I rowed in the 
winning Oxford boat for five and twenty years. 

Lord L. \ 

GwEN. - Horray ! 

Snaffle. ) 

{Bell off.) 

Chol. The Bell ! Once let me get my feet in 
the Stretcher and Hey for Tattenham Corner and 
Putney Bridge ! 

{Music stops.) 

{Rushes off, folloit'ed by Lord Lowater, Gwendoline 
and Snaffle.) 

Oddson. Curse him, he will thwart us yet. 
D'Ethe. Not if you are a man. {Takes pistol 
from Ms pocket.) Take this and hide behind a fat 



THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 25 

policeman in the Straight ; if Sir John is winning, 
shoot him hke a dog. 

Oddson. a grand idea ! Right you are. 'Tis a 
pretty weapon. 

{Exit.) 

(Bell heard again and noise of bustle.) 

D'Ethe. They are going to the post, if I don't 
hurry I shall miss it. (About to go, and meets Cock- 
sure.) 

Cocksure. Stay, I arrest you in the King's 
head — I mean name. 

D'Ethe. What for ? 

Cocksure. Reading spurious literature to an 
unprotected female. 

D'Ethe. Liar ! 

Cocksure. You Stamboul dog. 

(Chord.) 

D'Ethe. Dog ! Then taste my barker. (Shoots 
and Cocksure 's zmg flies off.) Scalped. 

Cocksure. Your barber is a Granville and is out 
of court. I am bald— but bold. Drop that toy 

(Chord.) 

D'Ethe. 'Tis dropped. (Hits him on his bald 
liead — it is made of wood and Cocksure takes it 
off, disclosing hair underneath, and throws scalp on the 
ground.) 

Cocksure. Fool, I am a pohceman, you can only 
kill me with kindness. (Holds out his hand for a tip.) 

D'Ethe. Out of my way, menial. 

(Hurry music.) 

Cocksure. Dog in your teeth again I 

D'Ethe. I am a dog, and if my barker's bark is 

but a puppy's puling, we shah see how you like the 

puppy's bite. See, base minion of the law, see this 

row of milk-white molars (shows his teeth and smiles), 



26 THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 

the envy even of the Odol — I mean idol — Gertie 
Millar; each priceless pearl contains a little chasm, 
within of each I have a poisoned pellet. See, see, you 
pantomime policeman, how you will like my burning 
bite. 

(They wrestle and sway to and fro. D'Ethe hites 
Cocksure in the neck and he drops dead. Voice 
off, ''Any more for the Sicilians, any more for 
Tottenham Court Road Corner? " 

D'Ethe. Yes, one, and if I ride crooked and 
Oddson shoots straight, not the last passenger either. 

[Music forte and Curtain.) 



ACT IV 

Upson Downs. The Great Race for the Derby. 

As curtain rises, murmurs, shouts, whistles, banging 
of drums, etc. Lord Lowater, Gwendoline, 
Snaffle, etc., etc., are discovered standing on orange 
boxes. Lord Lowater is looking through a telescope. 

Scene shifters are at back of stage, each man holding 
small pieces of landscape scenery. When the horses 
come on the men begin to move with the scenery, 
making a moving panorama. 

[Music — "Post Horn Gallop.") 

Lord L. See, see, they are coming round the 
bend, they are nearing Tattenham Corner — I don't 
hke the look of the Grey — who is that riding ? 

GwEN. Why, it's Tiny Puham ; has he sold us ? 

Snaffle. No, Pullam turned up at the last 
moment and is making the pace for Sir John. 

Lord L. They're here 

[Music /.) 

[Enter D'Ethe, Cholmondeley and Pullam, riding 
wooden horses ; as they gallop round the stage the 
men with scenery move.) 

GwEN. Go on, darling, go on — ■ — - 

(Cholmondeley raises his hat and bows to the people 
on the stand. The horses trot off again. Great 
excitement.) 

Lord L. Here they come up the straight ! 

(Omnes shout. Enter the three horses, it is a neck 
and neck race. D'Ethe is leading a little — a man 
walks on with a long white post, another man with 



28 THE PICK OF OAKHAM. 

an umbrella and a ball of string, they tie the string 
to the post and umbrella and form a ivinning mark.) 
GwEN. Jack, dear, oh, Jack, ride, ride. [Hits 
his horse with her parasol.) 

[As the horses gets near the post, Cholmondeley shoots 
his horse's neck out — it is on a broom handle — and 
takes it past the others by nearly a yard.) 

Oddson. The Tortoise is beat, he's beat — now |or 
it. Heaven send I shoot straight. 

[He shoots fl^ Cholmondeley, misses and hits D'Ethe, 
who falls with a clatter, and Cholmondeley wiks 
amidst great cheering.) 

GwEN. We've won, we've won. My love, my 
love. 

[Music changes to " Cheer, boys, cheer.") 

Chol. [takes her hand and leads her to footlights). 
It was a race, a race for life. 
I've won great wealth likewise a wife. 
Cheers, boys, cheers, 
Good wine shall soak 'em ; ^ 

Cheer, oh cheer ' 

The Pick of Oakham. 

[Music, cheers and Curtain.) 







I>RAlSr»9^0 ROOM. 




Only tept m the large size, the back scene is 13 feet long and 9 feet high and ex- 
tends with the Wings and Borders to 20 feet long and 11^ feet high. In the centre 
\a a French window, leading down to the ground, On the left wing is a fireplace 
with mirror above, and on the right wing is an oil painting. The whole scene is 
tastefully ornamented and beautifully coloured, forming a most elegant picture 
The above is a representation of a bos scene consisting of 38 sheets of paper' 
the extra sheets being used for the doors each side. ' 

£ s. d 
Back Scene, Border, and 1 Set of Wings, unmounted ^. ..200 

Ditto, mounted ... 4 4 

Back Scene, Border, with 2 Sets of Wings as above to form Box 

Scene, unmounted 2 10 

Ditto, mounted .. ^ .7. '.*. !!! 5 5 

COTTAOE3. 




One copy del. to Cat. Div 



is a door 1- ading outside. 

atre is a window. On th« 

The above is a reprepen- 

X Scene), but a Box Scene 

Prices and sire same as 



FRENCH'S ACTING EDITI0N-7s. per 



VOLUME 150 
K38 The Dentist 
2237 Taken for Granted 
S238 Just as Well 
2239 Hiogmany 
•i24U Pansy 

2241 A Doctor's Engage- 

ments 

2242 A Duet 

2343 My Milliner's Bill, Is. 

2244 My Aunt from Call- 

fornia 

2245 His Life for Hers 

2246 The Meeting 

2247 The Umbrella 

Duologue 

2248 The Late Lamented 

2249 Woman Triumphant 
2260 Angelina's Lover 

VOLUME 151 
2251 Chrysanthemums 
2262 My First Client 
2253 Punctured 
2264 Old Pals 

2255 Honeymoon Tragedy 

2256 Commission 

2267 Hal, the Highwayman 
2258 Dinner for Two 
2269 Ninth Waltz 

2260 Human Sport 

2261 Collaborators 

2262 Mere Man 

2263 Packing Up 

2264 Paying Guest 

2265 'Enery Brown 

VOLUME 162 

2266 The Jilt 

2267 'Op-o'-Me-Thumb 

2268 A Marriage Has Been 

Arranged 

2269 Carrots 

2270 Conversion of Nat 

Sturge 



2271 Clerical Error III 

2272 Aubrey Closes the : 

2273 Workbox 

2274 Two on a 'Bus 

2275 Bridget's Blunders 

2276 That Brute Simmons 

2277 Well Matched 

2278 Maker of Men 

2279 Gutter of Time 

2280 Game of Chess 

VOLUME 153 

2281 Mr. Steinmann's 

Comer 

2282 Ella's Apology 

2283 Colour Sergeant 

2284 Helpless Couple 

2285 First Aid to the 

Wounded 

2286 Correct Thing 

2287 Their New Paying 

Guest 

2288 Domestic Entangle- 

ment 

2289 Salt of Life 

2290 Time is Money 

2291 Wally and the Widow 

2292 Deceitful Miss Smiths 

2293 Holly Tree Inn 

2294 Up-to-date 

2295 Bit of Old Chelsea 

VOLUME 154 

2296 Wrong Side of the 

Road 

2297 The Open Door 

2298 Prima Donna (Pem- 

berton) 

2299 Lights Out (Pemberton) 

2300 Mirror of Time 

2301 Three Blind Mice 

(Muskerry) 

2302 Privy Council 

2303 Snowed up with a 

Duchess 



HpM 22, 1910 

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

015 928 660 5 # 

aouD v^oniproiuisiug i^anuo 

2307 Rest Cure 

2308 Misses Primrose's De- 

ception 

2309 Ejection of Aunt 

Lucinda 

2310 Uncle Dick's Darling 

VOLUME 155 

2311 That Horrid Major 

2312 Bardwell v. Pickwick 

2313 House of Nightingales 

2314 Turtle Doves [der 

2315 Superior Miss Pellen- 

2316 His Good Genius 

2317 Martha Plays the Fairy 

2318 Dumb Cake 

2319 Proposing by Proxy 

2320 Phoenix 

2321 Boatswain's Mate 

2322 Final Rehearsal 

2323 Two Aunts at a Time 

2324 Nelson Touch 

2325 Convict on the Hearth 

VOLUME 156 

2326 Grey Parrot 

2327 Ghost of Jerry Bundler 

2328 Bishop's Candlesticks 

2329 Peacemaker 

2330 Changeling 

2331 Wire Entanglement 

2332 Pride of Regiment 

2333 " 1588 " 

2334 Man on the Kerb 

2335 O'Dowd 

2336 Impertinence of the 

Creature 

2337 Dramatist at Home 

2338 Martha the Soothsayer 

2339 Old Martha Is. 

2340 All Through Martha Is. 



AN AMERICAN CITIZEN 
BILLY'S LITTLE LOVE 

AFFAIR 
BRACE OF PARTRIDGES 
BRIXTON BURGLARY 
CAPTAIN SWIFT 
OASSILIS ENGAGEMENT 
CHARITY THAT BEGAN 

AT HOME 
COUNTRY MOUSE 
IXR. WAKE'S PATIENT 
FACING THE MUSIC 
FASCINATING MR. VAN- 

DERVELDT 
IDLER. 
IMPORTANCE OF BEING 

EARNEST 
IN CHANCERY 
JEDBURY JUNIOR 



BARRIER 

BUILDER OF BRIDGES 

CAVE OP ILLUSION 

DANCING GIRL 

HYPOCRITES 

JOSEPH ENTANGLED 



Is. 6d. net Edition 

LADY HUNTWORTH'S 

EXPERIMENT 
LADY WINDERMERE'S 

FAN 
LIBERTY HALL 
LUCKY MISS DEAN 
MARRIAGE OP KITTY 
MICE AND MEN 
MISS ELIZABETH'S 

PRISONER 
MISS HOBBS 
MOLLENTRAVE ON 

WOMEN 
MR. HOPKINSON 
NEW BOY 
NIOBE 

OH! SUSANNAH! 
ONE SUMMER'S DAY 
PARVENU 



PASSPORT 
PERFECT LOVER 
PETER'S MOTHER 
PILKERTONS PEERAGE 
PRIVATE SECRETARY 
RETURN OF THE PRO- 
DIGAL 
ROCKET [DOM 

SNUG LITTLE KING- 
SQUIRE 

SUNLIGHT & SHADOW 
TWO MR. WBTHERBYS 
WALKER. LONDON 
WHEN WE WERE 

TWENTY-ONE 
WILDERNESS 
WISDOM OF FOLLl 
WOODBARROW FARM 



2s. 6d. net Library Edition 
JOHN GLAYDE'S 

HONOUR 
MANOEUVRES OF JANE 
MASQUBRADERS 
MIDDLEMAN 



MOLLENTRAVE ON 

WOMEN 
MRS. DANE'S DEFENCE 
PERFI'X'T LOVER 
SILVER KING 
WALLS OF JERICHO 



